How Grits Saved The South

How Grits Saved The South

Davy Crockett ate grits every day of his life. So did Daniel Boone, Abraham Lincoln, Jefferson Davis, Mathew, Mark, Luke, John, Caesar, Cleopatra, Saint Augustine, Ghandi, and near everybody that was born south of the Mason-Dixon line. Which is a whole truckload of folks.

Southern food is heavenly. Tastes better than anything. A bowl of bliss. One spoonful of grits can cure you of many diseases, including Grama's Red Toe, Heathcliffe Mumps and Gallywamper Cough.

Being a true-born and bred southerner and all, I knowed there are folks who don't know nothing about grits. Or why southerners eat grits. Or why it come to us that we in the south owe our way of life to grits. So I am going to tell the story.

I'm going to let the grits out of the bag. We eat grits in the south because a fellow named Lappy Johnson who died at Gettysberg made a promise. He promised that if we lost the Civil War we still had grits. Something we'd never tell the Union about.

Never tell nobody. Grits was our secret. We'd die before we let the North know what was the most delicious tasting food on God's green earth. Grits.

Keeping it as our secret, you know. Some of still don't say much about it. When someone asks us about grits we just shrug our shoulders. Maybe smile.

We took an oath, you know. We wasn't suppose to tell nobody about grits. The Union army didn't eat no grits. Of course, not.

So how was it that the word got out about grits. They wouldn't of knowed it unless we told them. What happened was grits turned coat on us. And slipped up North and mingled with the Yankees. Grits got itself a fine reputation by showing up at restaurants and cafes. And first thing you know, grits was popping up on every plate.

Reminding folks that the South was one fine place. So come and visit, grits told everybody. Grits told everybody that the South was the prettiest place on the earth. So people didn't hate no Southerners because Grits was standing up for us.

And that was how grits saved the South.

True, the economy in the South is rock-solid because we sell grits to the rest of the world. grits. Grits will make you strong. You will smile like the Mona Lisa when you eat Grits. They make you happy. They make you smart. They can kill a cold or fever. Grits with a dab of butter is all you need to overcome life's doldrums.

So plop them on a dinner plate and know the truth about Tennessee and all the rest of the southern states. We owe everything to grits. It's got our backs.