The Evangelical Spectator

Sausage & Grits Linked to Incest

The cripling shame of incest has been linked to grits, bacon, biscuits and gravy. In addition, porkchops, country ham, waffles and pancakes are also suspectious characters. And of course, french toast, along with raspberry jam.

"The crippling shame of incest has done ended up as attributable to the southern diet," said Mildred Cox of Kingsport, Tennessee.

She noticed how families who ate grits was more prone to marrying their sisters than other. "I seen it with my own eyes. I did. And it ain't something you want to look at."

Mildred works at the Grits Clinic in Johnson City, Tennessee, where young men are studied and observed for years devouring grits and porkchops and biscuits. "It pains me to look up them. But after a plate of bacon and grits you know something awful is going to happen."

"Obesity, too, is one of the effects of sexual abuse for some people. Food is not only a way of nurturing self and numbing the pain, but the extra weight is like armor put on for protection against the betrayal of our bodies and sexuality. But look out for the ones who consume grits like they was going out of style. They got a problem, I tell you."

"They need our prayers. As well as courage and willingness to revisit the emotional "dark night of the soul."

"It is when we start understanding the cause and effect relationship between grits and incest that is so shocking. Only then can we start understanding on an emotional level, on a gut level, that we were powerless to do anything any differently than we did that we can start to love ourselves. Just one spoonful of gravy and that's all it takes. You better run. It's embarrassing." 

"There is nothing more powerful in this transformational process than being able to go back to that grit eating bunch and look them in the eye. They been eating cereal and eggs. Haven't touched a grit in months. So they are back to normal."

The Narcissistic Christian

Are some Christians narcissistic? Do they over-value their contributions to church, family and self. Cauldwell Jilly of Bristol, Tennessee has studied narcissistic Christians for over a decade. And has written a book about them, called "The Lord Done Told Me."

"I can't tell you how many narcissistic Christians there are in East Tennessee. But they if you throwed a rock you would hit one. They hear the Lord. They hear him at football games and when they go shopping at the mall. And they hear the Lord's voice come out of toasters and dishwashers and vaccuum cleaners. The Lord is always telling them what to do and what to eat. And what to say when times get rough."

Quoting from his treatise:

"One of the most important symptoms of Christian narcissism is grandiosity. That's when a fellow starts seeing himself as important as his truck or his pig or his dog. Grandiose fantasies (megalomaniac delusions of grandeur) permeate every aspect of the narcissist's personality. Let's say he wants something big, like a new truck."

Well, then he prays for it. Thinking the Lord will provide. But maybe the Lord ain't feeling up to giving him that truck. They are the reason that the narcissist feels entitled to special treatment which is typically incommensurate with his real accomplishments. Maybe he don't deserve nothing. Ever thought of that?

The grandiosity gap is the abyss between the Christian narcissist's self-image to his hillybilly reality. Can a Christian cracker know the way? Of course, he can. He needs to read the Bible and go to church. When narcissistic supply of inspiration is deficient, the narcissist decompensates and acts out in a variety of ways. Christian Narcissists often experience psychotic micro-episodes during therapy and when they suffer narcissistic injuries in a life crisis. But can the Christian narcissist "go over the edge"? Do Christian narcissists ever become psychotic? Jump off church roofs?

Though self-deception may occur in the Christian Narcissist he is always fully aware of the difference between true and false, real and make-believe, the invented and the real, right and wrong. In other words, the Christian Narcissist can see, think and feel.

His chameleon-like ability to change guises, his conduct, and his convictions can and do vary. They can turn on a dime. The Christian Narcissist is a wild, reverent fellow who loves to read the Bible and go to church and pray.

Matt. 19:26
Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

"The cross shows the mercy of God, the resurrection demonstrates His power."

God's mercy and power have been present since the beginning.  Genesis tells the story of the beginning.  Click Genesis 1-2 to learn the message from the beginning!

The Bible is God's Love Letter to People everywhere.
How do I know this?  Jesus tells us in John 3:16.

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life."

Matt. 7:7-11
Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake?

Philippians 4:13
I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

Practical Guide to the Use of Bible Verses

Bobby Rinnelwood is credited with the discovery that Bible verses when spoken aloud can generate an electrical spark. Start car engines, kindle a fire and repair electrical appliances like toasters, Televisions, air conditioners, radios and heaters.

Bible verses have fundamentally transformed the way we live. Read Deuteronomy on a cold morning to a car that won't start and see what happens. Nothing like Deuteronomy to clean out of carberator.

As the practical uses for spoken Bible verses grow, so did the demand for production. People have got understand the power of the Lord. The Holy Bible can save, repair and implement miracles. You just have to know which book in the Bible is required for the job.

To repair a refrigerator read I Corinthians 1:18 (KJV) - "For the preaching of the cross is to them that perish foolishness; but unto us which are saved it is the power of God.

To mend a broken heart read Lamentations 3:22-23 -"Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."

To enliven the spirit of a sad person read Jeremiah 29:11 - "For I know the plans I have for you,"declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

For medicinal purposes, especially a cold or the flu read 1 John 3:2: "Beloved, now we are children of God, and it has not appeared as yet what we shall be. We know that, when He appears, we shall be like Him, because we shall see Him just as He is."

Also good for arthritis, read John 21:25 - “Jesus did many other things as well. If every one of them were written down, I suppose that even the whole world would not have enough room for the books that were written.”

If you have a headache refer to Romans 8:1 -“There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”

For gout, try 2 Corinthians 1:20 –“For no matter how many promises God has made, they are ‘Yes’ in Christ.”

Indigestion it's Phillipians 4:6 - "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." 

If you wish to calm your mind, try 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 (NLT "That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed everyday. For our present troubles are quite small and won't last very long, yet they produce for us an immeasurably great glory that will last forever! So we don't look at troubles we can see right now; rather, we look forward to what we have not yet seen. For the troubles we see will soon be over, but the joys to come will last forever."

Report from the Bible Belt: The Piety Index Is Up

Lots of church-going, Bible-reading and prayer add up to a high piety index.

High piety makes people see things. Carl Millers of Abingdon, Virginia seen Abraham and Isaac, two biblical charaters in their bathrobes and sandals, just walking along InterState 81, near Bristol, Tennessee. Piety done that.

Today in the Bible belt the piety index is soaring with folks seeing burning bushes and talking to burning bushes. And folks walking on water. Turning water into wine. And stone into bread. Seven people was raised from the dead in Kingsport, Tennessee. Three more in Johnson City.

It's dangerous because people get to thinking them Bible characters are everywhere. Maybe they live nextdoor. Or maybe they in the guestroom. You never know till you look.

The National Piety Service has issued a warning for North and South Carolina, Tennessee, Georgia, Alabama and Mississippi.

The Piety Index, which went into use in May 2002, measures how self-righteous a person will feel over a full day.

The idea is the same as the traditional piety index, which shows how religious, sanctious a particular combination of hubris and piousness feels. This index has usually been used to show the danger during the most pious parts of the day.

The mean piety index averages the piety index from the most unctuous and religious-crazed parts of a day. Sunday is a day of worship. And anticipation is that the piety index will soar higher than an eagle.

Tales of Bad Grammar

Who hasn't had trouble with grammar? A noun or verb can trip you up. Confuse you. The record is clear grammar is troublesome. An often mean-spirited element in our society.

Bad grammar. Some might say there is no such thing. How often have you heard of a verb or adjective being sent to prison? The sticky-fingered pronoun 'who' or 'whom' has a disreputable reputation. It has done time.

'Whom' lacks social skills. One hears of its capacity for misjudgment. It foolishly plays the horses. We follow the lead. It has perhaps a gift for trickery. And thus, we are often vexed in its presense. 'Who' or 'whom'?

They are like identical twins. We cannot tell them apart. We are duped. We select the wrong one. And surely we are embarrassed. Flim-flam is much with the both of them.

True, they come from good parents. But we trust them too much. We should not be so naive to trust grammar. It bedevils us. We are its prey.

Lord save us from bad grammar.

Life of The Pig

-Once I was walking down Main Street in the Bible Belt. And something awful happened. And you know I don't know what it was. I looked around. I seen women and children running in all directions. I heard them scream.

Then I figured out why. I looked down and my barndoor was open. And my pig was out. Got paranoid, I did.

It was awful, plum terriblest thing that had ever happened to anybody in Tennessee. Something so dang dark as your pig out. Well that got the sting on death on it. I tell you. I heard something inside me break, I did. The Lord was looking down, I thought.

And boy, you knowed he was disappointed. Mad at me. And me being feared of the Lord. Well, it hit me.

Why Cows Moo

Why do cows moo? That philosophical question has stumped mankind for centuries. Now in Bristow Niven's new book, "Why Cows Moo," we get the answer. The truth. And it ain't pretty. He says cows moo for love, mostly. But also 'moo' in cow's language means God.

"How he come by that," Billy Bible of Bristol, Tennessee said. "I don't know for sure. It rubs me the wrong way. What kind of foolishness does it take to research a cow's moo for seven years and come with that measly conclusion."

"Listen, I know it's hard. But don't say nothing bad about cows. They don't like the publicity. Don't need it, and if you know anything about cows you'd knowed they was shy and like their privacy."

I suppose it's pride. And something else which cows keep to themselves.

If you look a cow in the eye you know they're deep thinkers. They think about everything. God, the devil, heaven, hell. They swish their tails. That's not an criticism against cows. They just swish their tails. It's a bad habit, like cracking your knuckles or biting your fingernails. They can't stop.

Cows moo. They make that sound that come from deep within their souls. It means everything. It's the sum of who they are. Cows, I mean. It's the sum of what they want of life. Moo.

When one cows hears another cow moo it's a revelation. All moos sound alike. But they ain't. One moo can mean love and another mean loneliness, gratitude, fear. Moo.

A moo can break your heart, if you're another cow. And you hear a moo. It plum knocks you down. Takes your breath away. Moo.

There are moos that tell fortunes. And moos that bring good luck. There are a moos that make the birds sing. And moos that make the fish leap out of the water.

Nothing is so beautiful as a cow's moo. You can hear the truth in a cow's moo. Moo.

Tall Tales of Nutrition

Everything is about nutrition. Want good weather? Eat brussel sprouts. Want a great lovelife? Eat bean sprouts. People who eat green beans once a day experience a joy like no other.

Everything is about nutrition. Eat a carrot and watch the stockmarket rise. Celery, if eaten daily, will cause prices in both the New York and American Stock Exchange to soar. Vegetables have an effect on American dollar. Broccolli and aspargus, for example, are two vegetables you should know will increase your personal wealth.

Any portfolio, if you put cabbage and spinach in it, will double. The amount of vegetables we eat is in direct relationship to our financial well-being. You want financial growth eat raw green leafy vegetables. Make like a rabbit.

If you want to increase your monthly cash budget eat more salads. Drink the juices of beets, carrots, pears, apples and pineapple.

The Veggie's monthly cash budget identifies your cash balances for each month during the forthcoming operating year. The more veggies you eat the more your stockmarket portfolio will expand.

Trust is something that is earned, not given. You have to build a relationship with raw vegetables, even before they invest in your business. You do this, partly, by presenting reasonable and credible forecasts. Eating raw food is good for the American economy.

Financial forecasting must be based on your diet, moderated by the experience and insight of the Veggie's Financial Profit Program, will elevate your net worth.

A well-invested vegetarian is a financially sucessful person who does not eat meat or fish, instead they eat vegetables, fruits, nuts, beans and grains. Some vegetarians eat or drink some things that come from animals, like milk and eggs.

Some who call themselves financial vegetarians and eat fish or sea food are not vegetarians, because fish and sea animals are also animals. Such people are sometime called pescetarians. There are also many people who a not vegetarians, but do not eat too much animal food. Some eat only very little meat (so-called "flexitarians" or "semi-vegetarians"), some eat only fowl ("pollotarians"). There is also a philosophy called freeganism, it means eating animal products only if otherwise they will be thrown away to garbage - such as rests of foods in restaurants.

Husband & Wife Fighting Thrive in U.S. Cities

A History of Husband & Wife Fighting

"My wife throwed me out of the house," said Victor Bentley of Morristown, Tennessee. "She throwed my clothes out. She throwed my dog out, too. Don't you just hate that? You and your dog got to go sleep in the truck."

"Beats all I ever seen," Teddy Mooney of Kingsport, Tennessee said. "Wives don't know the hurt they cause."

Lost Souls Advertised in Newspaper

In the Bible Belt, if you lose your soul you can advertise in the newspaper. If somebody finds it they will return it. Just make sure you offer a reward. Ten dollars will do it.

I know a fellow who lost his soul and he advertised in The Evangelical Spectator and in two weeks time his soul was returned. Yes, it was a bit smudged. He had to wash it and iron it. Thought about sending to the laundry. But he didn't. He prayed for his soul to fluff up, turn that pristine white that souls get when you're innocent and pure. You know like when you are young and foolish. Ain't nothing down and dirty.

Then you're soul is all shiny and squeaky clean. Can't see no sins or poor judgments. You know them little specks that come about cause you said some cuss word or opened a magazine and some naked lady jumped out at you. Or you gambled in poker or smoked a cigar or drunk yourself a glass of whiskey.

Or you doubted the Lord. Oh, that'll get you a blotch on your soul for sure. I can't tell you how many people get blotches on their souls from doubting the power of the Lord.

Say, if you commit adultery, your soul will turn yellow right there. It will be spackled with these red oblong shapes that will cry, call out your name. Every lie you show up on soul as wrinkle.

And I don't have to tell you what your soul will look like if you watch an R-rated movie. Or steal something. And I mean your soul will be forever tarnished with them green daubs. The kind that are grotesque.

And you just know your minister will notice them. Cause ministers can see your soul. He checks on them, don't you know. And there you be caught with a blotch on your soul. It will look like a rag. A dang dishrag. A mop. And what you going to do?