A creature from another planet has been discovered in Tennessee. It is tall, walks upright. Chews tobacco, eats cornbread, fried chicken, drives a truck. Loves church, fishing, farming, throwing horseshoes, watching Heehaw on TV and football.
It is the Evangelical Christian. A powerful species that has recently been captured in the hills of East Tennessee and at this moment is being examined by department of medicine at the University of Tennessee in Knoxville.
A few direct quotes from the alien species follow:
"Evangelical Christians don't like to brag. We're kinda modest. But we can turn stone into bread, water into wine, raise the dead. Walk on water. Drink beer till we puke. Fart in the truck, blame it on the dog. Eat fried chicken in the shower. (Tastes kinda soapy, though)"
"Yes, we is evangelical christians, strange visitors from another planet who come to Earth with powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal men. We who can change the course of mighty rivers, bend steel in our bare hands; and who, disguised as ill-mannered hicks, rednecks, hillybillies, tobacco chewing Christians, fight a never ending battle against pre-marital sex, pornography, gambling, drinking, baby killing, adultery, homosexuality, profanity, the right to pray in schools, teach adam and eve and put them skids on stemcell research."
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