Lightning Strikes Agnostic

Lightning struck an Agnostic in Bristol, Virginia. He was getting out of his car, near the intersection of Euclid and Forster Avenue, and the bolt flashed from above and blew the clothes right off Johnny Benson's back. It took all of a few milliseconds, leaving the shape of a cross in his right buttocks.He was taken to the Mankinko Emergency Clinic of Lowell Hospital, where all he could recall of the loud clap of thunder and an ominous voice from above that said, "Go to church!"

At this point, Mr Benson has short-term memory. He trembles. Eats very little. He looks at pictures in a magazine, for example. But doesn't understand the television. In addition, he can't remember how to read. He has to be dressed. He has lost the strength in his legs. Can't walk well. He seldom talks. He says he hears voices coming out of the ceiling. They say the same thing. "Go to church!" His recovery may take months.

He has suffered three mini-seizures since the incident. He has an acute sleep disorders. Sleeps only a few hours each night. Suffers from chronic leg and arm pain. He wobbles. Mr Benson has a lack of equilibrium. He writes notes to the nurses and doctors that beg that he may be released so he can attend church. "I'm a believer in the Lord. I've changed. I must go to worship. He has experienced intense migraine headaches and a constant ringing in his ears. "Who's calling? Would somebody answer that phone?

He sweats a lot. Left alone he shaved his head. He has chronic meekness. "I love everybody. I love the Lord. He is my keeper. I want to sing hymns. Mr Benson has begun a bible study, reading scripture and mumbling verses to himself.

"It may be an oddity," Reverend Shaster said, visiting the victim in the hospital. "But faith changes us. The Agnostic was frightened into accepting the Lord. Look at him all shaking in the corner. They had to drag him out of the closet. He kept hiding in there. Scrunched under the bed, too. He has only himself to blame, of course."

"Thing is I recall in recent weeks, any number of Atheists and Agnostics having mishaps. Dogs know when they see pagans in the Bible Belt. The dogs know the faithless. Spider and flea bites are reported all the time by infidels. The record is clear. Read your Bible and mosquitoes will stay away."